Hearing that your child has acted out sexually can be devastating. In this moment, it's easy to feel isolated, overwhelmed, and unsure of what to do next. But you're not alone, and you're not without options.
At Oxbow Academy, your teen receives compassionate, specialized care to stop harmful behaviors and grow emotionally. Parents gain tools, understanding, and renewed hope.
This page is here to guide you toward safety, healing, and a way forward.
What Is Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse?
Child on child sexual abuse, sometimes called “COCSA,” happens when one child engages in sexual behavior that harms or violates another child. As a parent, it’s important to know this is very different from the normal curiosity kids often have as they grow and develop.
What makes child on child sexual abuse concerning is that it goes beyond exploration. One child may use pressure, manipulation, or even force to involve another child. There’s usually an imbalance, whether it’s age, size, maturity, or social standing, and the end result is that one child feels hurt, scared, or confused.
Healthy curiosity between children looks very different. It usually happens between kids of similar ages, feels mutual, and doesn’t involve secrecy or shame. By contrast, harmful behavior often involves a child who seems to know more about sex than is typical for their age, tries to hide what’s happening, or leaves another child feeling unsafe.
It’s also important to remember that children and teens who act out in this way are not necessarily “bad kids.” More often than not, they are struggling. Their behavior may come from past trauma, exposure to sexual content before they were ready, or not having learned healthy boundaries. These children need help too, help that can guide them toward healing and healthier ways of relating to others.
If you’ve noticed concerning behavior, trust your instincts. You don’t have to face this alone. With the right support and intervention, children can recover, rebuild trust, learn healthy boundaries, and move forward with hope.
How Common is Child on Child Sexual Abuse?
Child on child sexual abuse is more common than most parents realize. When it happens in your own family or community, it can feel isolating and overwhelming. But you are not alone; many families have faced this painful situation, and there is help and hope.
The Reality Parents Need to Know:
- More than half of child sexual abuse cases in the U.S. involve a perpetrator under the age of 18.
- Most victims (about 8 out of 10) know the child who harmed them.
- A significant number of cases happen within families, often between siblings.
Why You Don’t Hear About It More Often:
- It’s rarely reported. Police estimate that as few as one in six incidents ever reach authorities.
- Many adults don’t recognize it. Parents or caregivers may mistake harmful behavior for “curiosity” or dismiss it because they don’t realize how serious it is.
- It happens in private. Since it often takes place between siblings, relatives, or neighborhood friends, usually out of sight of adults, it can go unnoticed for a long time.
Why Family Settings Are Especially Complicated:
Sibling sexual abuse is often under-reported compared to parent–child abuse. Children may feel ashamed, scared, or worried about breaking up their family, which makes it hard for them to tell anyone what’s happening. This can leave parents in the dark until behaviors escalate.
What This Means for You as a Parent:
- You’re not alone. Families all over are facing similar challenges.
- Your role matters. By paying attention to concerning behaviors, even between siblings or kids who “should know better”, you can step in before things get worse.
- Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Seeking help shows that you are a courageous parent who is protecting all of your children.
At Oxbow Academy, we work with families just like yours every day. With the right support, boys who have engaged in harmful sexual behavior can take responsibility, learn healthier patterns, and rebuild trust. Families can heal together.
A Father's Story of Sibling Sexual Abuse
If you are a victim of rape or sexual abuse and need assistance please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673).
Your teen can recover from sexual behavioral problems. Contact one of our trained representatives for a free, private consultation
Warning Signs to Watch For
As a parent, you know your child better than anyone. If something feels off, it’s important to pay attention to your instincts. Not every behavior means abuse has occurred, but noticing patterns early can help your child get the support they need.
If Your Child May Be Acting Out Sexually
Some behaviors go beyond normal curiosity and can be signs that your child is struggling:
- Advanced sexual knowledge or language that doesn’t match their age or maturity
- Reenacting sexual scenes from media or pornography in play, talk, or drawings
- Trying to involve other children in sexual play or activities
- Ignoring boundaries around personal space or privacy, even after reminders
- Persistent self-touching or sexual jokes that seem excessive or out of place
- Lack of empathy when others are clearly uncomfortable or upset
These behaviors often point to a child who has been exposed to things they weren’t ready for, or who hasn’t learned how to manage impulses in healthy ways.
If Your Child May Have Been Harmed
When a child has been on the receiving end of harmful sexual behavior, the signs may look different:
- Emotional shifts: sudden changes in mood, fearfulness, anxiety, clinginess, or unexplained anger
- Sleep disruptions: nightmares, bedwetting, or resistance to going to bed
- Avoidance: pulling away from certain people, places, or situations without a clear explanation
- Regression: going back to younger behaviors like thumb-sucking, baby talk, or needing extra reassurance
- Physical complaints: pain, itching, or injuries in private areas, or recurring health issues without a clear cause
- Sexualized behavior or knowledge beyond what’s typical for their age
What Parents Need to Remember
- Not every sign means abuse. Stress, trauma, or even developmental differences can also explain these behaviors.
- Your instincts matter. If something feels wrong, or if multiple signs are showing up, don’t dismiss it.
- You haven’t failed. Noticing these behaviors doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It means you’re alert and caring enough to seek help.
- Support is available. Professionals can help your family sort through what’s happening and create a path toward healing, for both the child who has acted out and the child who has been harmed.
At Oxbow Academy, we walk alongside parents who are facing these very challenges. With the right guidance, children can learn healthier patterns, take responsibility, and begin the process of healing.
Why Does Child Sexual Abuse Happen?
When a child engages in sexually harmful behavior, it’s easy to assume the worst. But most kids who act out aren’t trying to hurt others on purpose. They’re often struggling with unmet emotional needs, past experiences, or challenges they don’t yet have the tools to manage.
This behavior isn’t about malicious intent; it’s a sign that something deeper is going on.
What Might Be Behind the Behavior?
Many factors can contribute to a child acting out sexually, including:
- Past trauma or abuse: Some children who have experienced abuse may repeat behaviors they’ve seen or endured, but not all do. A history of trauma can increase risk, but it’s not the only explanation for harmful sexual behavior.
- Exposure to pornography: Early or repeated exposure, especially to violent content, can distort a child’s understanding of boundaries and consent.
- Emotional regulation struggles: Some kids act out when overwhelmed or disconnected and don’t know how to express it safely.
- Difficulty with boundaries: Children who haven’t internalized healthy limits may not realize when they’re crossing a line.
- Developmental or learning differences: Autism, ADHD, or cognitive delays can impact a child’s ability to read social cues or control impulses.
The Good News: Behavior Can Change
These behaviors are serious, but treatable. With the right support, your child can grow, learn empathy, and build safe, respectful relationships. Families can heal.
How This Affects Everyone
Child on child sexual abuse impacts far more than just the children directly involved; it affects the entire family.
- For the child who acted out, there may be deep confusion, shame, or fear. Without the right support, those feelings can lead to isolation, denial, or worsening behavior. But with compassionate, specialized care, that child can begin to understand their actions, take accountability, and develop healthier patterns.
- For the child who was harmed, the experience can lead to sadness, fear, difficulty trusting others, or even trauma responses. With early intervention and a safe, supportive environment, healing is possible, and recovery doesn’t have to happen alone.
- Siblings may feel caught in the middle, unsure of what’s happening or how to respond. Parents often feel guilt, grief, or uncertainty about what to do next. These complex emotions are normal, but they don’t have to define your family’s story.
- Addressing the behavior early, before shame takes root or patterns deepen, is one of the most important steps you can take. With the right help, your child can change. Your family can heal.
Hear From Experts: A Podcast for Parents
Each episode of this series offers practical, compassionate guidance for parents navigating the complex realities of child on child sexual abuse.
Episode 1: What to Do When Your Teen Has Sexually Abused Another Child
In Episode 1, “What to Do When Your Teen Has Sexually Abused Another Child,” Tiffany Silva Herlin, LCSW, and Shawn Brooks, Executive Director of Oxbow Academy, offer compassionate guidance to parents facing child-on-child sexual abuse. They explain that this behavior is rarely accidental and often stems from deeper trauma and shame. The episode covers common warning signs, the emotional toll on parents, and the urgent need to prioritize the victim’s safety. Listeners are encouraged to take action before the teen turns 18, seek professional help, and implement safety measures at home—all while remembering they are not alone.
Episode 2: Why Is Your Teen Sexually Acting Out?
In Episode 2, “Why Is Your Teen Sexually Acting Out?” Tiffany Silva Herlin, LCSW, and Shawn Brooks of Oxbow Academy help parents understand the deeper roots of sexually inappropriate behavior in teens. They explore how trauma, early exposure to pornography, poor sexual education, and attachment issues can contribute to these behaviors, especially in neurodiverse teens. The episode also addresses the intense emotions parents face, the difference between love and trust, and the importance of allowing teens to experience accountability. Parents are encouraged to seek support for themselves and create open, shame-free conversations at home.
Episode 3: Reporting Child-on-Child & Sibling Sexual Abuse: What Parents Should Know
In Episode 3, “Reporting Child-on-Child & Sibling Sexual Abuse: What Parents Should Know,” Tiffany Silva Herlin, LCSW, and Shawn Brooks of Oxbow Academy walk parents through the difficult but important process of reporting abuse. They explain why involving professionals—lawyers, therapists, and CPS—is essential, and how early reporting can lead to better outcomes for both the victim and the teen who acted out. The episode highlights the risks of secrecy, the legal and emotional complexities of disclosure, and the importance of early intervention. Above all, it offers hope, emphasizing that adolescents can heal and change with the right treatment.
Episode 4: Sibling Sexual Abuse: Finding the Right Treatment for Your Son
In Episode 4, “Sibling Sexual Abuse: Finding the Right Treatment for Your Son,” therapist Tiffany Silva Herlin, LCSW, and Executive Director Shawn Brooks guide parents through the process of finding the right help for a teen who has sexually acted out. They explain how to choose a qualified therapist, when outpatient therapy may not be enough, and how to tell if residential treatment is necessary. The episode outlines what to look for in a specialized program, how evaluations work, and why early, individualized treatment matters. It also emphasizes the importance of family support, victim care, and creating a safe path forward for everyone involved.
You Have Questions, We Have Answers. Your Call is Confidential.
Oxbow Academy is fully operational during the COVID-19 crisis. Contact us if you need help with treatment for sexual addiction, sexual abuse, pornography abuse and other compulsive behavior issues.
How Oxbow Academy Helps
When a teen boy has acted out sexually, it can feel impossible to know where to turn. Oxbow Academy offers a path forward—a place where healing begins not just for your son, but for your entire family.
A Specialized Program for Sexually Harmful Behaviors
Oxbow Academy provides treatment specifically for teen boys, ages 10–17, who have engaged in problematic or compulsive sexual behavior, including abuse of a sibling or peer. Boys are placed in an environment where their challenges are understood, not shamed—where honesty is encouraged and healing is possible. They live in specialized houses based on age, developmental needs, and treatment stage, ensuring focused, appropriate support throughout their journey.
Safety, Structure, and 24/7 Support
Your son will be in a safe, structured setting built for transparency and accountability. With a 1:4 staff-to-student ratio and constant supervision, you can feel confident he’s being closely supported. Residences include safety features like security cameras, motion sensors, and private areas designed with dignity and protection in mind. He’ll live among peers working through similar issues, creating space for honesty, growth, and mutual support.
Therapists Who Understand
Oxbow’s licensed therapists are specially trained in sex-specific treatment, many as Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSAT). They know how to ask hard questions without judgment and help your son explore what he’s done—and why. That relationship is key to breaking the cycle of shame and opening the door to change. Parents also receive support because healing the family is just as important.
Finding the Root Cause
Treatment at Oxbow goes beyond correcting behavior. A thorough evaluation helps uncover what’s beneath the surface—trauma, pornography exposure, autism, ADHD, or emotional regulation challenges. Each student receives a psychosexual evaluation, including a Sexual Behavior Risk Assessment (SBRA) and clinical polygraph, to build an effective treatment plan. These tools aren’t used to punish, but to create clarity, accountability, and a foundation for healing.
Building Empathy, Accountability, and Healthy Relationships
True healing means more than stopping harmful behavior—it means helping your son become someone he’s proud to be. At Oxbow, boys learn empathy, emotional regulation, accountability, and the importance of consent and healthy boundaries. Most importantly, they learn how to build respectful relationships with themselves, others, and you.
Families leave Oxbow not just more informed, but stronger, more connected, and filled with renewed hope.
It’s not always easy to tell the difference between normal curiosity and behavior that signals a deeper issue, but if you’re feeling concerned, trust your instincts. Early intervention can make a profound difference in your child’s life.
You may want to seek help if you notice any of the following red flags:
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Chronic pornography use, secrecy, or isolation
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Risky or age-inappropriate sexual behaviors
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Touching others without consent or violating boundaries
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Sexually explicit talk with much younger children
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Repeating concerning behaviors despite consequences or previous interventions
To help parents make informed decisions, Oxbow Academy offers the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST), a confidential assessment with yes-or-no questions about your child’s behavior. Once completed, you'll receive a score that indicates the potential level of concern. No personal information is collected unless you request a follow-up call.
Whether you take the SAST or reach out directly, contacting Oxbow is always confidential, compassionate, and commitment-free. You'll speak with an experienced admissions counselor who will listen without judgment and help you explore the next steps.
If appropriate, your family may begin with a comprehensive 90-day evaluation designed to understand your child’s needs and determine the best treatment path, whether that’s at Oxbow or elsewhere.
Asking for help is a brave first step, and it could be the turning point your family needs to begin healing.
