Posts Tagged ‘counseling’

Oxbow Teens Use Basketball as Therapy

Tuesday, February 19th, 2013

Bill Pollock, Oxbow’s residential director, recently shared this essay written by an Oxbow student:

“Basketball to me is really important. I look forward to every Tuesday night where I get to go out on the court with four of my closest friends. The other ten are there supporting me from the sidelines.

“Being here at Oxbow gets quite stressful and annoying. I always look forward to playing basketball. I’ve noticed that it is a way to see other people’s true character. I find how teamwork really works.

“Being on the court there is no time to argue or blame shift a bad play to someone else. Sportsmanship actually goes a long way. Our team as individual players are not the best, yet when we work together there is nothing we can’t accomplish.

“In the tournament at Snow College we played in we won it all. We beat a team with kids bigger, faster and better than us. We beat them because of how good our team dynamic is. I applied what I had learned at Oxbow 2 during the game and treated other teams with respect. I felt like a normal kid being able to have the opportunity to play with other kids in the same community. I felt very accomplished when we won and I felt like I had something to hold on to.

“I realized that basketball is actually an analogy for life and the relationships in life. My mom is the center and will always retrieve the ball for me and really wants to be able to give me the best possible opportunity to be able to succeed. I am the point guard, I have to be able to set up the play, really I have to find trust with my family to be able to listen to what they say and know that it will help me and then make the decision to pass to them.  My brother is the shooting guard. He takes the shots. Really he puts trust in me to be able to set up a situation for him where he will succeed. My sisters are the small and power forwards where I have to be able to trust them that they will be able to succeed on their own knowing that I will always be there to support them and help them all the way. A family needs dynamic, just like how I have learned in basketball which really has helped me strengthen the relationships with my family.

“My friend Eli says, ‘It’s great to have a team with guys who have your back and work together with you.’ He feels that ‘everyone’s real personality comes out on the court.’ He says that basketball for him is a coping mechanism, lets him take his anger out. He struggles with his anger. Basketball reminds him of how life works sometimes and opportunity arises yet you don’t take it and later realized how big an opportunity it was and learned from his mistakes.  Also, how there is time when you get too aggressive  and have to take a timeout and spend some time on the bench, then you get a second chance and you use it to the fullest potential. ‘Just like this we have made some mistakes and our bench is Oxbow. Which helps us learn what we’ve done wrong and how when we are able to get back on the court (or life) we know not to make those mistakes again and we know what to do to succeed.’ He really uses basketball as a big picture reference of life.

“My friend Cameron says, ‘I like to be able to socialize with other people in the community who have good sportsmanship. He has learned how to work better as a team and with teamates. He likes being able to get time away from the house.

“My friend Naje says, ‘ Basketball helps me, gives me a chance to work with peers outside of therapy. It gives me an experience to stay fit and show that I am capable working with others who I don’t know which helps me build relationships.’

“Naje says he agrees with what I said about family. I feel that one day Naje may go and play on a college team.

“My friend Aaron says, ‘It’s a great way to release emotions and gain a better relationship with the opposite team. Also, basketball helps me stay away from negative behaviors and helps me know what true friendship and teamwork really is.’

“Basketball means a lot to all of us.”

Troubled Teen Learns to Recognize and Express Difficult Emotions

Monday, July 2nd, 2012

In a recent family therapy session, the parents of one of the clients with whom I work commented on how quickly their son was able to recognize and express the emotions that he was feeling while working on his therapy assignment.  This may not appear to be much of an accomplishment to some, but for this client and his family it means something wonderful.  Looking back several months ago to the beginning of this young man’s treatment at Oxbow he was not able to recognize his emotions, and believed that he did not ‘feel’.   There are several things that can attribute to this inability: lack of insight, unwillingness, disability, and lack of emotional training. None of these appear to be preventing him now. His resistance is lowered, he is gaining insight into the ways in which his disability affects him, and he has had some much needed emotional training.

It is not uncommon for the young men with whom we work to begin their treatment at Oxbow with little emotional insight and few healthy coping mechanisms to help them deal with their emotions.  Many young men are initially opposed to getting in touch with their emotions. Throughout their stay they learn of the necessity and strength that comes through being honest with their feelings and overcoming the thinking errors they have used in order to avoid them.  This work is essential in order for them to feel empathy toward anyone.  Empathy is essential in order to prevent damaging relationships. Students must develop empathy in order to heal themselves emotionally and assist in the healing of others.

Masking or avoiding one’s feelings through the use of thinking errors takes its toll on the lives of these young men and their families.  The student I referred to is now taking the time that he needs in order to label his emotions and use healthy coping mechanisms to avoid shutting off his “difficult” emotions -the ones he would prefer to ignore.  He recently stated that it is due to moving beyond his thinking errors that he has been able to be true to his feelings and gain insight into the feelings of others.   He is well on his way to being able to express empathy. Coming from a young man who originally thought that he could not feel this is quite an accomplishment!

-Rachelle Gallup, CSW

When Sexual Abuse Happens at Home

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

The “Smith” family shares their story of brothers who were victims and how they found help.
[audio:http://oxbowacademy.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Smith-Family1.mp3|titles=SmithFamily]

Healing Our Family at Oxbow Academy

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

“John” and “Carol” could not believe the allegations from their son’s summer camp. But if they were true, what should they do to help their son? Hear their family’s story.
[audio:http://oxbowacademy.net/wp-content/uploads/Healing-Our-Family-at-Oxbow-Academy.mp3|titles=Healing]

Teen Sex Behaviors: How to Tell When There’s a Problem

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

“Barbara” explains how she knew it wasn’t just a matter of “boys will be boys.” Hear the signs that may indicate your teen may be acting out sexually.
[audio:http://oxbowacademy.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Mom1.mp3|titles=Mom1]

Getting Help for Sexual Addictions: Lessons from Doug

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

Doug, an Oxbow graduate, talks about the behaviors that led him to treatment at Oxbow Academy.
[audio:http://oxbowacademy.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/doug2.mp3|titles=doug]

Finding the Right Program for Teen Sex Help

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

Leslie and Jerry struggled for month’s to find the best program for their son’s therapeutic needs. They talk about their mistakes and how they knew when they finally found the right help.
[audio:http://oxbowacademy.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Leslie21.mp3|titles=Leslie2]

The Power of Honesty in the Best Teen Therapy

Wednesday, April 11th, 2012

Recently one of the clients with whom I work was able to see his sibling for the first time in a year.  Their meeting over Skype was possible due to this student’s progress in the program.  That progress consisted of working through two clinical phases, gaining insight into his behavioral patterns and making changes to these patterns in order to provide more safety in his relationships.  He also gained empathy for others, worked weekly with his parents, completed the Clarification process with four other people and has maintained a good standing in the program. He has spent countless hours in preparation for this moment.

Prior to the meeting.  this student expressed nervousness and excitement.  He was ready for this day. He had with him his letter of accountability that he had worked on for weeks,  fine tuning it to personal perfection. In his letter, he took into consideration terminology that his sibling many not recognize. He provided breaks to clarify his intentions and showed critical attention his sibling’s needs.  Even with all of this preparation, my client did not know what to anticipate.  The anticipation built up over the months of preparation that has led up to this day has been a growing experience for him.

My student greeted his sibling and asked if he was ready to hear what he prepared to share.  After a confirmation, my client proceeded to explain what he had done and why.  He showed empathy by expressing recognition of what he put his sibling through and explained ways that he is planning to provide safety in their relationship from here on out.  The sincerity that my client showed was true and it was miraculous.

It is powerful to see the changes that these boys are willing to make in order to heal and to be healed.  One of the most profound aspects of this process is the student’s realization that although life will never be the same as it was before the abuse, there is a recognition and desire to commit to make things better from here on out.  There is a new determination.  There is commitment and a heightened awareness of the necessity of change in order to create a healthy life for themselves and others.

The behaviors that this client showed last week instill a new hope in a family that once had very little hope to hold onto. Change is possible, and it is made possible through the sincere honesty and care demonstrated by a teenaged boy overcoming sexual behavioral problems.  Rachelle Gallup, Therapist

Not Your Father’s ‘Playboy’

Monday, December 20th, 2010

The Good Men Project, an on-line magazine, recently published a powerful article entitled “Boys and Porn: It Ain’t Your Father’s ‘Playboy’”.   Author Marnia Robinson discusses today’s “super porn” and explains how viewing it may cause erectile dysfunction, social anxiety and a host of other problems for boys.

Students at Oxbow Academy can vouch for many of Robinson’s findings. We invite you to read the article and discuss its implications for your family.

 http://goodmenproject.com/2010/12/03/boys-and-porn-it-aint-your-fathers-play