Posts Tagged ‘oxbow academy’
Friday, January 27th, 2012
Fifteen young men have graduated from high school at Oxbow Academy since I joined the program in 2008. Seven of them graduated just last year. At least three other boys finished therapy at Oxbow and returned home to graduate with their classmates.
While our first priority is addressing the therapy needs of our boys, we are in the business of helping students pick up the pieces of their academic lives too. We prepare them to enter the real world – either in the workforce or preferably in colleges. Of our students that graduated from high school while in therapy, five are currently in colleges throughout the United States where they are continuing their academic success.
We find success in therapy seems to translate to success in the classroom as well. It’s a model we want to build on. This week three students will take the SAT, an exam required by most colleges for admission. Two more boys will test later this year. High school graduation is just around the corner for two other students.
We are proud of our students and their accomplishments in the classroom and in therapy. Their futures look bright. by Richard Lee, Academic Director, Oxbow Academy
Tags: academic, academics, classroom, college, family therapy, graduation, high school graduation, oxbow academy, residential treatment center, SAT, school, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, therapy
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Monday, January 23rd, 2012
On a recent trip to California I was visiting with the family of a recent Oxbow graduate at his home. While we were talking his parents had a meaningful realization. They were talking about how they were so fearful, anxious, angry, and distraught the day that they brought their son to Oxbow. They talked about the devastation that they felt when the sexual issues were discovered and the trauma that they endured before they found the help of Oxbow.
In the next sentence parents reflected how they were in such a different place today. Today there were still challenges but these challenges were “dreadfully normal.” They talked about transporting kids to school, coordinating therapy appointments, helping with homework, their jobs, advocating to help their sons receive the school services they needed, but there was no mention of the pain, guilt, and shame that had plagued the family less than two years ago. Gone was the pain, anger, and shame and what they discovered as they sat in their home was hope that their son can have the future that they as parents dreamed he would have. As we said our goodbyes and gave the family a hug I asked the parents to take care of our son. I seemed to walk a little lighter knowing that we at Oxbow had played a small part in returning this boy to his parents and restoring their hopes and dreams that years before they had felt were lost. by Todd Spaulding, Clinical Director, Oxbow Academy
Tags: ADD, ADHD, anger, families, family, family therapy, guilt, oxbow academy, parenting, parents, RedCliff Ascent, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, shame, substance abuse, therapist, therapy
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Saturday, January 14th, 2012
A few months ago I was involved in a therapeutic intervention with a 15 yr old young man who was stalled out in his treatment. He had decided to resist all efforts to re-engage the therapeutic process and take personal accountability for the state of his relationship with his parents. It appeared that he was satisfied with the distress he was causing his parents and seemed willing to continue in his present course.
The treatment team discussed his case at length and determined that the battle between this young man and his parents was a very common one with adolescents who are placed in treatment. At the core of this issue is the desire for the young man to keep his relationship with his parents in a holding pattern. H wanted to keep himself and his needs as a priority. He saw his parent’s responsibility as meeting those needs. As long as the parent child relationship continued to support this holding pattern, the young man will reward his parents with a degree of positive behavior. The variable in this toxic relationship, however, is the fact that the young man’s needs seem to be fairly fluid in nature. What satisfies him one day does not the next and he had become very adept at keeping his parents hopping from one unfulfilled need to another by an array of temper tantrum techniques. What we were seeing in treatment was just more of the same.
But something happened that this young man did not calculate. His parents decided that they no longer would support the static relationship they had been in for the last 15 years. The words they spoke to their son were well thought out and did not come packaged in bubble wrap. They went like this, “We are no longer going to support the lack of progress in our relationship. As of today, we are walking away from the table and you have some choices to make. We will support your basic needs but will no longer support your lack of progress with our attention. The only contact we will have with you will be through your therapist. We hope that one day you will choose us and accept your responsibility to an evolving relationship with us”. Then the click of the phone being hung up echoed in the room.
The young man was taken back, but the past years’ had a history of similar events. He had seen this before, so he thought. It was around day 30 where the young man’s countenance changed. He began to ask the question, “Could this be for real? Could my parents really get along without taking care of all my needs? Is it possible that I am not the center of my parents universe?” That was the turning point.
This once very entitled young man began to see how much he needed a relationship with his parents. Not just to take care of the things he lacked the skill, experience, and influence to manage, but emotionally he started to see his relationship with his parents in a new light. It took a while for him to manage the pain and regret that settled in on him. He was now in a very vulnerable position and at this point started to ask the right questions. “What do I need to do to fix my relationship with my parents?” His therapist had to take a moment to compose himself before returning the same question. “What do you think you need to do to fix the relationship with your parents?”
The months that followed were filled with tears, frustration, regret, forgiveness, but above all, honesty. This young man had made some very serious, relationship wrecking, choices that would take time to fix. But he had gained understanding that keeping his relationship with his parents in a holding pattern was no longer acceptable. He knew he was responsible for meeting them where they were and accepting them as his parents, not as his subordinates or even as his equal.
This story has a positive ending. The young man earned access to his parents and did the work necessary to play a participating role in their evolving relationship. Mom and Dad took the role of King and Queen of the family kingdom and Son accepted his role as the Prince with loads of potential. The courage it took for those parents to save their son was amazing but they did it and now their son, who they love beyond measure, has a chance. by Shawn Brooks, Executive Director, Oxbow Academy
Tags: ADHD, fairy tale, family, family therapy, oxbow academy, parenting, parents, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, substance abuse, therapist, troubled teen, troubled teens
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Monday, January 9th, 2012
Confidence n. 1. trust, reliance 2 belief in one’s own abilities 3 an invisible force
I teach art here at Oxbow Academy. My goal is to get our boys to try something new and different. I’m always hearing the same excuse: “I can’t draw!” Well, isn’t that why you take a drawing class? To learn how to draw? I have seen so many amazed faces when students are able to execute their ideas on paper.
Recently one of our grads wrote: “I just want to say Mrs. Erin ever since your art classes I’ve been exploring and doing a lot of freehand stuff. I’m getting pretty good 
lol Thanks for the classes. They sparked an interest for me that i didn’t know I had.”
Maybe it is an interest. Maybe it is confidence. Maybe it’s the “permission” to try something new. Whatever it is, it is powerful beyond words. It is also a beginning. Our students may not realize it at the time but just trying something that they thought they couldn’t do empowers them to do more!
This week I saw a young man make enormous strides therapeutically. This is a young man who has struggled and struggled to keep his head above water. It started with small successes, trying new things. Art was just one of them. During equine therapy this week I watched him take out one of the Arabian horses. Her name is Miss Priss and she is feisty! He wanted to ride her so bad. He wanted her to be “his” horse.
I watched him in the round pen while she bounced and pranced. I watched him calm himself down, breathe. I watched Miss Priss begin to calm as well. For the rest of the session he continued to ride her. Every time she sped up He calmed her down. He stuck with it! He rode her until the end of the evening. When he climbed down from the saddle he was absolutely glowing. His smile stretched from ear to ear and there was no stopping it.
I don’t know if he will love riding horses for the rest of his life. I don’t know if all the kids in my art class will go on to be artists! I do know that when they try and when they feel the confidence that comes from trying and being successful they will go on to do and be whatever they put their heart and mind to being. by Erin Nester, Admissions Coordinator, Art Instructor
Tags: art, art class, artist, confidence, equine therapy, horseback riding, oxbow academy, RedCliff Ascent, residential therapy, riding, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, sexually abused, substance abuse, troubled teen, troubled teens
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Thursday, November 10th, 2011
This last mid October Saturday, while hauling in the last two loads of hay for the year with five of the Oxbow boys, we stopped in between loads with the boys to grab a doughnut at the local bakery. The boys were so excited to get the doughnuts they had earned.
Two older couples arrived at the doughnut case just before the boys. Without saying a word, I watched as the boys waited with much anticipation while the two older ladies hand-picked two full boxes of doughnuts. This process took approximately 10 minutes, which seemed like a long time – even to me!
The older couples finished selecting their doughnuts and it was now the boys’ turn. The boys eagerly picked their doughnuts and we were off to get some drinks. On the way out of the bakery area I heard the older gentleman address me as the boys stood by Brita and I.
He said, “Sir, I wanted to compliment you on how respectful your sons were while we were picking out our doughnuts.”
I said to the man, “Thank you. They need to be respectful.”
Then the man said, “You can be proud of your sons. There are not many young people that would have had that much patience with older people.”
I told the man thanks for the compliment and that I was proud of “my sons.”
What a great day to hear that compliment about our boys! Thanks to the parents for having the courage to work along side of us at Oxbow with “our sons.” Thanks to all at Oxbow for everything they do to help the boys along their journey. Tony and Brita North, Equine Directors
Tags: abuse, ADD, ADHD, adoption, equine, experiential therapy, families, family therapy, mood disorder, oxbow academy, parents, pornography addiction, RedCliff Ascent, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, therapy, troubled teen, troubled teens
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Friday, September 9th, 2011
Shwan Brooks, Oxbow’s Executive Director, received this letter this month from the parent of one of our graduates. We gratefully share it’s contents with our blog readers. To protect this family’s privacy, their names have been ommitted or abbreviated.
Setember 7, 2011
Dear Shawn,
It’s been a month since ** graduation from Oxbow, and I promised I would share some thoughts about his nearly 18-month stay. Rather than look back, I’d like to bring you up to date on the weeks since we saw you.
** is a college reshman, living the life of an 18-year-old we once could only pray he’d become. He has made friends aplenty and gotten off to a good academic start. He says he has never been happier. Time, of course, will determine if everything remains so rosy, but each day that goes well lays a foundation for even better days ahead.
While ** missed out on the life of a “normal” high school student, he seems advanced beyond his college peers in other ways. For instance, he says he finds their fascination with alcohol and sex shallow and of little interest to him. I think the regard he developed at Oxbow for the importance of meaningful relationships is at the core of his reaction. If so, Oxbow helped prepare him for life in ways his classmates now must negotiate.
Additionally, ** seems to have gotten off to a good academic start. ** says he has a new-found interest in learning that we first saw emerge at Oxbow.
** has stayed in touch with Tony and Britta. Their friendship and support helped him through Oxbow and continue to help him now. While two weeks of college life is little more than a start, ** is off to a good start.
It’s a long way from the condition in which ** found himself when reporting to Oxbow. More than 15 months of other therapeutic schools had failed to crack the shell in which ** resided. I credit the Oxbow team, along with ** for his hard work, with the advances that occurred.
Tiffany Winder and Todd Spaulding were firm but loving in the way they performed their therapy. It would have been easy for all of us to quit the relentless grind of weekly family sessions, but Tiffany and Todd maintained a professional manner that never allowed us to lose hope. They guided ** through some of the most-challenging soul-searching any human could face.
Bill Pollack and folks like Amy Brown taught ** the importance of living successfully with others in the residential part of the program. I doubt that ** will ever encounter a college roommate with whom he cannot co-exist, based on his Oxbow experience.
Academically, ** blossomed at Oxbow. Self-learning seemed to be the key, but the staff that Rick Lee guided helped to turn our son into a true student. Given his spotty academic experience in high school, we had low expectations for a college career. Yet, ** scored in the 75th percentile in the SAT exam and was accepted to 11 universities, including the one he now attends.
Perhaps no part of Oxbow affected ** as greatly as the equine program, led by Tony and Britta. ** came to understand that horses make wonderful surrogates for people and that building a relationship with a horse can be even more challenging than connecting with a fellow human. Tony and Britta also showed a special interest in **. They made him feel loved, something he desperately needed, even though he was already loved by so many. Perhaps I will never fully understand the magic of the relationship, but it worked. For that we will be eternally grateful.
While I pray that no young man would ever need Oxbow, itʼs reassuring to know that it exists. Had it not existed, I shudder to think where our son would be today. You took him to places in his heart and soul that he might never have reached. As a result, he came to understand himself and learned to communicate those feelings to others.
We sent you a boy who was broken in spirit and you returned to us a young man who has a very real chance at success. That is all anyone can ever ask.
I hope this is helpful to you. Please feel free to share our story with others. I only ask that you do so anonymously, which I am certain you will.
Best personal regards,
J
Tags: abuse, ADD, ADHD, adoption, equine, experientail therapy, family, family therapy, horse, mood disorder, oxbow academy, pornography addiction, RedCliff Ascent, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, substance abuse, therapy, troubled teens
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Wednesday, August 31st, 2011
My day started at 5:30 this morning. We were scheduled for a video shoot at 8 a.m. at Oxbow’s East Campus equine facility. This was to be part three of a series of videos introducing DJ – the abandoned horse Tony and Brita and two of the Oxbow students were rehabilitating. Near death when they rescued him, we’d been filming the horse’s progress and talking to the boys about their own journey toward healing. I thought I was prepared for what I was about to see. Nothing could have been farther from the truth.
The change in DJ was astonishing. His body was filling out nicely from a diet of protein enriched grain and hay. He’d gained enough strength for his hoofs to be trimmed. His sunburned nose had healed and his coat, once patchy and virtually non-existent, was shiny in the morning light.
That, however, wasn’t the most surprising part of the day. D and J, the two boys responsible for DJ, looked equally as changed. As D explained how the horse’s scars were now almost invisible thanks to the nourishment he was receiving, I couldn’t keep my eyes off the animated young man’s face. Two months ago he had barely two words to say. He seldom made eye contact and spoke softly. Now his soft drawl was quiet, but confident. He handled the horse with ease and the horse responded to D’s petting like a puppy, nudging the boy when he stopped and putting his trusting head on D’s shoulder.
D is going home tomorrow. He’s finished the therapeutic journey he began at Oxbow months ago. And he is a changed young man. In so many ways. As he hugged the horse goodby, and handed J the training rope, I wondered what part of his experience he’d remember most.
“I’m grateful,” he said. I thought there was a catch in his voice. “For these people. This place. For my parents and what they did for me in allowing me to come here. I never realized before they would do anything to help me get better.”
He handed off the rope and headed to the car and a new life. I’m headed to the video edit bay, hoping I can do justice to the story of the rescued boy who has become a strong young man. – By Jennifer Jones, Oxbow Media Specialist
Check the Videos page on Oxbow’s website starting Sept. 15 for updates on the story of DJ.
Tags: abandonment, ADD, ADHD, adoption, animal rescue, family, family therapy, horses, oxbow academy, RedCliff Ascent, rescue, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, struggling teen, troubled teen
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Thursday, August 18th, 2011
Today was a day that makes all the stressful and frustrating days at work worth it. Today one of my clients successfully transitioned from our program. He had been here for just over a year. When I first met with him, he had little hope and displayed hardly any emotion. He seemed jaded from the things he had not only seen via pornography, but also due to the things he had done and experienced. He saw little to no hope for his future, and saw himself as almost a monster for the things he had done. He was alienated from his family, and his parents were at the end of their rope with him. He had been to a number of other programs, all who had passed him off to the next. Now he was turning 18 in less than a year, and Oxbow was his last hope.
Today this same boy sat in the same room with a number of staff, peers, therapist and others who had helped him on his journey here at Oxbow. Most importantly his parents were there. This same boy who showed little to no emotion sat there crying as he thanked everyone in that room for believing in him and helping him. He thanked his parents for always being there for him. He thanked me for holding him accountable. He thanked his equine leaders for being a second family to him. He finally had hope, he finally had a future and he finally believed in himself.
The thing that touched me the most was his parents. His father gave me a number of hugs thanking me. He said in his son’s phase review “I finally have my son back.” His mother, who I have never seen cry, hugged me good bye with tears in her eyes and thanked me for everything. Interestingly while his parent’s were thanking me, the truth of the matter is that their son wouldn’t be where he is today without having them as parents. Even when I asked them to do difficult things, even when they weren’t thrilled or on board at first, they were always willing to be supportive and work through things. They were willing to do the their own part of family therapy, and not just expect their son to do all the work.
Their son is now on his way to a prestigious college, with a career goal in mind, determination and hope. Even though he is nervous and anxious he understands that he has the tools he needs to be successful in life. He realizes he can actually have a healthy relationship with others, and find true joy in life that is more real than anything he can find on the Internet. His journey here at Oxbow is not ending, rather he is just transitioning on to the rest of his life- He finally has a second chance at his life. By Tiffany Winder, Therapist
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Tags: ADD, ADHD, family, family therapy, mood disorder, oxbow academy, pornography addiction, RedCliff Ascent, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual trauma, substance abuse
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Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011
Sometimes our work can seem difficult, frustrating, and sometimes downright impossible. Then one day as we confront a student he reaches down inside himself and finds all that knowledge that we have been trying to teach him for months and it makes your heart soar. Every impossible moment is absolutely worth it. This happened to me just last week.
A student had struggled to make progress and working with him has sometimes felt a lot like beating your head on a wall. A mentor had asked him to redo a section of his chore and this young man started getting upset. At first he told the mentor to shut up and leave him alone. He was starting to spin when I walked in. I tried to calm him down and asked if he could please be reasonable and just do what the mentor had asked. I asked him to please pull himself together - it was nothing to get upset over. He then asked if I would please stop talking to him.
I figured, well, that is better than shut up so I said ok and went back to my office. A few minutes later I heard a small voice calling my name. I got up and went out. He was standing his hand on the mop, head down. He apologized for being rude to me and said he knew I was just trying to help!
Hallelujah! I realize this is a small step, but it is a positive step none the less. For this young man, I see progress in his future. Sometimes it starts small. by Erin Nestor, Admissions Coordinator
Tags: abuse, ADD, ADHD, adoption, experiential therapy, family therapy, mood disorder, oxbow academy, pornography addiction, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, substance abuse, troubled teens
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