Posts Tagged ‘troubled teens’
Wednesday, April 11th, 2012
Recently one of the clients with whom I work was able to see his sibling for the first time in a year. Their meeting over Skype was possible due to this student’s progress in the program. That progress consisted of working through two clinical phases, gaining insight into his behavioral patterns and making changes to these patterns in order to provide more safety in his relationships. He also gained empathy for others, worked weekly with his parents, completed the Clarification process with four other people and has maintained a good standing in the program. He has spent countless hours in preparation for this moment.
Prior to the meeting. this student expressed nervousness and excitement. He was ready for this day. He had with him his letter of accountability that he had worked on for weeks, fine tuning it to personal perfection. In his letter, he took into consideration terminology that his sibling many not recognize. He provided breaks to clarify his intentions and showed critical attention his sibling’s needs. Even with all of this preparation, my client did not know what to anticipate. The anticipation built up over the months of preparation that has led up to this day has been a growing experience for him.
My student greeted his sibling and asked if he was ready to hear what he prepared to share. After a confirmation, my client proceeded to explain what he had done and why. He showed empathy by expressing recognition of what he put his sibling through and explained ways that he is planning to provide safety in their relationship from here on out. The sincerity that my client showed was true and it was miraculous.
It is powerful to see the changes that these boys are willing to make in order to heal and to be healed. One of the most profound aspects of this process is the student’s realization that although life will never be the same as it was before the abuse, there is a recognition and desire to commit to make things better from here on out. There is a new determination. There is commitment and a heightened awareness of the necessity of change in order to create a healthy life for themselves and others.
The behaviors that this client showed last week instill a new hope in a family that once had very little hope to hold onto. Change is possible, and it is made possible through the sincere honesty and care demonstrated by a teenaged boy overcoming sexual behavioral problems. Rachelle Gallup, Therapist
Tags: ADHD, counseling, family, family therapy, mood disorders, RedCliff Ascent, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, struggling teens, substance abuse, teen therapy, therapy, troubled teens, victim
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Wednesday, March 28th, 2012
As I have worked with Oxbow over the last six years, I always felt like we were making a difference. But I always wondered how much of a difference we were making with our boys. I wanted to be able to measure the difference between a boy when he first came through our doors, and when he completed the program. For the past three months I have been able to administer the outcome tools that were able to confirm my initial feelings.
As our students participate periodically in our outcome studies, it is clear that we are making a difference in their lives. Although we are still in the beginning stages of our studies, we are able to see significant differences in our students as they allow the therapeutic process to heal their lives and their relationships. I am excited to see where our outcomes take us in the future and how we may be able to use it to fine tune our treatment. - Alan Kendall, East Campus Residential Director
Tags: family, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, troubled teen, troubled teens
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Monday, March 12th, 2012
As a mother who works full time, I have to leave my own child with someone every day. I always hope and pray that she is in good hands. That she is being protected and taught the correct things while I am away. That someone is loving her almost as much as I do (which I know is a high demand, because my love for her seems to have no bounds). That they are taking the time to play with her and give her the attention that she needs- that she deserves. And the reason I do this is so that I can take a similar role for someone else’s child every day.
Some of the boys that I work with have parents miles and miles away. Some haven’t been home in over a year, because they have been at other programs. The role I play in their lives is a sacred role that I can not lose sight of. I think of the many parents who are miles away from their sons just hoping that whoever is with them is taking care of them, and loving them almost as much as they love them. That someone is teaching them, and helping them to get back on track- since they have wandered so far from the course. I can never replace the role as their parent, nor am I supposed to. But my role is to care about them and help guide them back so they can be reunited with their family- whatever that may look like.
When I look at the picture of my little girl on my desk, I can’t help but be grateful for the amazing trust these parents have put in me with their own sons. And I am honored to be part of their journey to help bring their son’s back home safely. Tiffany Winder, Therapist, Oxbow Academy
Tags: family, family therapy, Mother, oxbow academy, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, therapist, therapy, troubled teen, troubled teens
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Tuesday, February 28th, 2012
As therapists at Oxbow, we are here to help students develop insight into their thought, feeling and behavioral patterns. We love this work and are privileged to work with wonderful students and families. As our students change, their families change. And as the families that we work with change, we are influenced for the better.
There is no set time line for how quickly one gains insight. Insight comes in its own time, dependent upon the individual’s willingness to “go there”. True insight cannot be given away and cannot be forced upon anyone. All that we can do to assist in this process is to encourage the student through interaction and hopefully foster a desire within him. Throughout this often long process, patience is tried and tears are shed. Nights of sleep are lost and stress can frequently seem overwhelming.
One family recently showed great patience with their son’s journey to insight. This family has waited patiently as their son played games that hurt them and avoided his treatment for months. This family waited in their pain and showed their patience with their son by being available for every contact made; whether it be a weekend phone call with little depth of conversation or a family or parent track session where they were asked to gain insight into their family system and how their personal functioning contributed to the family dynamic. This family showed patience with the Oxbow program by following the recommendations given by the Oxbow treatment team, regardless of how difficult these recommendations were. Due to working together as a team, their son is making progress.
I congratulate your son for the efforts that he has invested in his therapeutic work and for the maturity he has chosen to gain and to show. He is beginning to investigate his personal emotional depths. He is, at last, ready to learn from his own experiences.
I congratulate you as parents. I congratulate you for all of the work that you have invested physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I congratulate you for the personal growth you have decided to gain and for your willingness to not only teach, but to learn. For your patience with your son as he struggled to make a decision to move forward in his life, to move beyond fantasy and sit in reality.
This process is painful and continues to be tender for the many involved. Hope is fostered through patience and understanding. Thank you for all of the above. Thank you to the parents and family members of all those who have been willing to look at their pain and to work through it in positive ways. Your sons notice your growth and it encourages them to move toward gaining their own insight, promoting internal changes. Your love and devotion cannot be replaced. Your influence is remarkable, life changing. by Rachelle Gallup, Clinical Social Worker
Tags: ADD, ADHD, family, family therapy, mood disorders, oxbow academy, parenting, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, struggling teen, struggling teens, substance abuse, therapy, troubled teen, troubled teens
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Saturday, January 14th, 2012
A few months ago I was involved in a therapeutic intervention with a 15 yr old young man who was stalled out in his treatment. He had decided to resist all efforts to re-engage the therapeutic process and take personal accountability for the state of his relationship with his parents. It appeared that he was satisfied with the distress he was causing his parents and seemed willing to continue in his present course.
The treatment team discussed his case at length and determined that the battle between this young man and his parents was a very common one with adolescents who are placed in treatment. At the core of this issue is the desire for the young man to keep his relationship with his parents in a holding pattern. H wanted to keep himself and his needs as a priority. He saw his parent’s responsibility as meeting those needs. As long as the parent child relationship continued to support this holding pattern, the young man will reward his parents with a degree of positive behavior. The variable in this toxic relationship, however, is the fact that the young man’s needs seem to be fairly fluid in nature. What satisfies him one day does not the next and he had become very adept at keeping his parents hopping from one unfulfilled need to another by an array of temper tantrum techniques. What we were seeing in treatment was just more of the same.
But something happened that this young man did not calculate. His parents decided that they no longer would support the static relationship they had been in for the last 15 years. The words they spoke to their son were well thought out and did not come packaged in bubble wrap. They went like this, “We are no longer going to support the lack of progress in our relationship. As of today, we are walking away from the table and you have some choices to make. We will support your basic needs but will no longer support your lack of progress with our attention. The only contact we will have with you will be through your therapist. We hope that one day you will choose us and accept your responsibility to an evolving relationship with us”. Then the click of the phone being hung up echoed in the room.
The young man was taken back, but the past years’ had a history of similar events. He had seen this before, so he thought. It was around day 30 where the young man’s countenance changed. He began to ask the question, “Could this be for real? Could my parents really get along without taking care of all my needs? Is it possible that I am not the center of my parents universe?” That was the turning point.
This once very entitled young man began to see how much he needed a relationship with his parents. Not just to take care of the things he lacked the skill, experience, and influence to manage, but emotionally he started to see his relationship with his parents in a new light. It took a while for him to manage the pain and regret that settled in on him. He was now in a very vulnerable position and at this point started to ask the right questions. “What do I need to do to fix my relationship with my parents?” His therapist had to take a moment to compose himself before returning the same question. “What do you think you need to do to fix the relationship with your parents?”
The months that followed were filled with tears, frustration, regret, forgiveness, but above all, honesty. This young man had made some very serious, relationship wrecking, choices that would take time to fix. But he had gained understanding that keeping his relationship with his parents in a holding pattern was no longer acceptable. He knew he was responsible for meeting them where they were and accepting them as his parents, not as his subordinates or even as his equal.
This story has a positive ending. The young man earned access to his parents and did the work necessary to play a participating role in their evolving relationship. Mom and Dad took the role of King and Queen of the family kingdom and Son accepted his role as the Prince with loads of potential. The courage it took for those parents to save their son was amazing but they did it and now their son, who they love beyond measure, has a chance. by Shawn Brooks, Executive Director, Oxbow Academy
Tags: ADHD, fairy tale, family, family therapy, oxbow academy, parenting, parents, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, substance abuse, therapist, troubled teen, troubled teens
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Monday, January 9th, 2012
Confidence n. 1. trust, reliance 2 belief in one’s own abilities 3 an invisible force
I teach art here at Oxbow Academy. My goal is to get our boys to try something new and different. I’m always hearing the same excuse: “I can’t draw!” Well, isn’t that why you take a drawing class? To learn how to draw? I have seen so many amazed faces when students are able to execute their ideas on paper.
Recently one of our grads wrote: “I just want to say Mrs. Erin ever since your art classes I’ve been exploring and doing a lot of freehand stuff. I’m getting pretty good 
lol Thanks for the classes. They sparked an interest for me that i didn’t know I had.”
Maybe it is an interest. Maybe it is confidence. Maybe it’s the “permission” to try something new. Whatever it is, it is powerful beyond words. It is also a beginning. Our students may not realize it at the time but just trying something that they thought they couldn’t do empowers them to do more!
This week I saw a young man make enormous strides therapeutically. This is a young man who has struggled and struggled to keep his head above water. It started with small successes, trying new things. Art was just one of them. During equine therapy this week I watched him take out one of the Arabian horses. Her name is Miss Priss and she is feisty! He wanted to ride her so bad. He wanted her to be “his” horse.
I watched him in the round pen while she bounced and pranced. I watched him calm himself down, breathe. I watched Miss Priss begin to calm as well. For the rest of the session he continued to ride her. Every time she sped up He calmed her down. He stuck with it! He rode her until the end of the evening. When he climbed down from the saddle he was absolutely glowing. His smile stretched from ear to ear and there was no stopping it.
I don’t know if he will love riding horses for the rest of his life. I don’t know if all the kids in my art class will go on to be artists! I do know that when they try and when they feel the confidence that comes from trying and being successful they will go on to do and be whatever they put their heart and mind to being. by Erin Nester, Admissions Coordinator, Art Instructor
Tags: art, art class, artist, confidence, equine therapy, horseback riding, oxbow academy, RedCliff Ascent, residential therapy, riding, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, sexually abused, substance abuse, troubled teen, troubled teens
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Thursday, November 10th, 2011
This last mid October Saturday, while hauling in the last two loads of hay for the year with five of the Oxbow boys, we stopped in between loads with the boys to grab a doughnut at the local bakery. The boys were so excited to get the doughnuts they had earned.
Two older couples arrived at the doughnut case just before the boys. Without saying a word, I watched as the boys waited with much anticipation while the two older ladies hand-picked two full boxes of doughnuts. This process took approximately 10 minutes, which seemed like a long time – even to me!
The older couples finished selecting their doughnuts and it was now the boys’ turn. The boys eagerly picked their doughnuts and we were off to get some drinks. On the way out of the bakery area I heard the older gentleman address me as the boys stood by Brita and I.
He said, “Sir, I wanted to compliment you on how respectful your sons were while we were picking out our doughnuts.”
I said to the man, “Thank you. They need to be respectful.”
Then the man said, “You can be proud of your sons. There are not many young people that would have had that much patience with older people.”
I told the man thanks for the compliment and that I was proud of “my sons.”
What a great day to hear that compliment about our boys! Thanks to the parents for having the courage to work along side of us at Oxbow with “our sons.” Thanks to all at Oxbow for everything they do to help the boys along their journey. Tony and Brita North, Equine Directors
Tags: abuse, ADD, ADHD, adoption, equine, experiential therapy, families, family therapy, mood disorder, oxbow academy, parents, pornography addiction, RedCliff Ascent, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, therapy, troubled teen, troubled teens
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, October 19th, 2011
Oxbow’s Executive Director Shawn Brooks and Clinical Director Todd Spaulding have been invited to present a seminar at the national convention of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP).
The invitation comes on the heels of a presentation called “Boys Will Be Boys?” made at local and regional NATSAP conferences.
In that presentation, Todd and Shawn taught other professionals at troubled teen programs how to identify students that may be struggling with sexual issues. They also explained, using examples from annonymous Oxbow students, how boys are able to get away with inappropriate sexual behaviors while they are in therapeutic programs treating them for other issues.
“Students will try to use humor or thinking errors to justify their behaviors,” explains Todd Spaulding. “Unless therapy professionals know what to look for, this kind of sexual acting out can be minimized or overlooked entirely.”
The national NATSAP conference is scheduled for February, 2012.
Tags: ADD, ADHD, blended families, experiential therapy, family, family therapy, mood disorders, pornography addiction, RedCliff Ascent, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, substance abuse, therapy, troubled teen, troubled teens, www.oxbowacademy.net
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Friday, September 9th, 2011
Shwan Brooks, Oxbow’s Executive Director, received this letter this month from the parent of one of our graduates. We gratefully share it’s contents with our blog readers. To protect this family’s privacy, their names have been ommitted or abbreviated.
Setember 7, 2011
Dear Shawn,
It’s been a month since ** graduation from Oxbow, and I promised I would share some thoughts about his nearly 18-month stay. Rather than look back, I’d like to bring you up to date on the weeks since we saw you.
** is a college reshman, living the life of an 18-year-old we once could only pray he’d become. He has made friends aplenty and gotten off to a good academic start. He says he has never been happier. Time, of course, will determine if everything remains so rosy, but each day that goes well lays a foundation for even better days ahead.
While ** missed out on the life of a “normal” high school student, he seems advanced beyond his college peers in other ways. For instance, he says he finds their fascination with alcohol and sex shallow and of little interest to him. I think the regard he developed at Oxbow for the importance of meaningful relationships is at the core of his reaction. If so, Oxbow helped prepare him for life in ways his classmates now must negotiate.
Additionally, ** seems to have gotten off to a good academic start. ** says he has a new-found interest in learning that we first saw emerge at Oxbow.
** has stayed in touch with Tony and Britta. Their friendship and support helped him through Oxbow and continue to help him now. While two weeks of college life is little more than a start, ** is off to a good start.
It’s a long way from the condition in which ** found himself when reporting to Oxbow. More than 15 months of other therapeutic schools had failed to crack the shell in which ** resided. I credit the Oxbow team, along with ** for his hard work, with the advances that occurred.
Tiffany Winder and Todd Spaulding were firm but loving in the way they performed their therapy. It would have been easy for all of us to quit the relentless grind of weekly family sessions, but Tiffany and Todd maintained a professional manner that never allowed us to lose hope. They guided ** through some of the most-challenging soul-searching any human could face.
Bill Pollack and folks like Amy Brown taught ** the importance of living successfully with others in the residential part of the program. I doubt that ** will ever encounter a college roommate with whom he cannot co-exist, based on his Oxbow experience.
Academically, ** blossomed at Oxbow. Self-learning seemed to be the key, but the staff that Rick Lee guided helped to turn our son into a true student. Given his spotty academic experience in high school, we had low expectations for a college career. Yet, ** scored in the 75th percentile in the SAT exam and was accepted to 11 universities, including the one he now attends.
Perhaps no part of Oxbow affected ** as greatly as the equine program, led by Tony and Britta. ** came to understand that horses make wonderful surrogates for people and that building a relationship with a horse can be even more challenging than connecting with a fellow human. Tony and Britta also showed a special interest in **. They made him feel loved, something he desperately needed, even though he was already loved by so many. Perhaps I will never fully understand the magic of the relationship, but it worked. For that we will be eternally grateful.
While I pray that no young man would ever need Oxbow, itʼs reassuring to know that it exists. Had it not existed, I shudder to think where our son would be today. You took him to places in his heart and soul that he might never have reached. As a result, he came to understand himself and learned to communicate those feelings to others.
We sent you a boy who was broken in spirit and you returned to us a young man who has a very real chance at success. That is all anyone can ever ask.
I hope this is helpful to you. Please feel free to share our story with others. I only ask that you do so anonymously, which I am certain you will.
Best personal regards,
J
Tags: abuse, ADD, ADHD, adoption, equine, experientail therapy, family, family therapy, horse, mood disorder, oxbow academy, pornography addiction, RedCliff Ascent, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, substance abuse, therapy, troubled teens
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011
Sometimes our work can seem difficult, frustrating, and sometimes downright impossible. Then one day as we confront a student he reaches down inside himself and finds all that knowledge that we have been trying to teach him for months and it makes your heart soar. Every impossible moment is absolutely worth it. This happened to me just last week.
A student had struggled to make progress and working with him has sometimes felt a lot like beating your head on a wall. A mentor had asked him to redo a section of his chore and this young man started getting upset. At first he told the mentor to shut up and leave him alone. He was starting to spin when I walked in. I tried to calm him down and asked if he could please be reasonable and just do what the mentor had asked. I asked him to please pull himself together - it was nothing to get upset over. He then asked if I would please stop talking to him.
I figured, well, that is better than shut up so I said ok and went back to my office. A few minutes later I heard a small voice calling my name. I got up and went out. He was standing his hand on the mop, head down. He apologized for being rude to me and said he knew I was just trying to help!
Hallelujah! I realize this is a small step, but it is a positive step none the less. For this young man, I see progress in his future. Sometimes it starts small. by Erin Nestor, Admissions Coordinator
Tags: abuse, ADD, ADHD, adoption, experiential therapy, family therapy, mood disorder, oxbow academy, pornography addiction, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, substance abuse, troubled teens
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
