Posts Tagged ‘troubled teen’
Wednesday, March 28th, 2012
As I have worked with Oxbow over the last six years, I always felt like we were making a difference. But I always wondered how much of a difference we were making with our boys. I wanted to be able to measure the difference between a boy when he first came through our doors, and when he completed the program. For the past three months I have been able to administer the outcome tools that were able to confirm my initial feelings.
As our students participate periodically in our outcome studies, it is clear that we are making a difference in their lives. Although we are still in the beginning stages of our studies, we are able to see significant differences in our students as they allow the therapeutic process to heal their lives and their relationships. I am excited to see where our outcomes take us in the future and how we may be able to use it to fine tune our treatment. - Alan Kendall, East Campus Residential Director
Tags: family, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, troubled teen, troubled teens
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Friday, March 23rd, 2012
When I started working with Chase he let me know up front that he was dumb and wasn’t planning on graduating from high school. He wasn’t being defiant or belligerent……just stating the facts as he saw them. I worked on English and History for a little while with Chase in a group setting and I could see that he was much more capable than he knew.
I was asked to tutor Chase, one-on-one about 3 months ago. We started to practice actual reading and finding answers to put on worksheets. Chase still didn’t plan on doing anything except the minimum to meet his goal for the week.
During the month of February, Oxbow formed a basketball team to play in a league here in the community. I attended one of the games and was visiting with the man who was running the scoreboard. He asked me if Chase did well in school because he played a smart game of basketball and really used his head.
When we got to school the next day I told Chase what this man had said just from observing him on the basketball court. He was a little shocked and a lot pleased. He started to work a little more independently and a little harder at his schoolwork.
There was a point where Chase became a little frustrated and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong – he was doing great in school. After a few conversations I found out that he was regretting not taking an actual interest in school and his abilities before this point in time. He felt like he was so far behind that he would never be able to get caught up and be where he’s supposed to be academically. We made a deal and talked honestly about the work that it would require for him to get to that point, or at least close to it, before his time here at Oxbow is gone. We set some goals and went to work.
He did really well finishing up the concepts he was already working on but then we started World Geography. It was new and a little daunting. Chase looked at it, threw his hands up and said, “This is too hard. I can’t get this.” I wrote that quote down, dated it and had Chase sign it. I told him I would bring him a reward if he would at least try, work hard and get to a point where he could do the worksheets on his own and take the test on his own and score above 90%. He didn’t think it was possible, and honestly, I didn’t know if it would happen before he left Oxbow. He’d never done his own work or his own reading up to this point. However, we continued to work and practice and just last Wednesday Chase brought a concept to me that was finished except for the last two pages. I hadn’t helped him at all and he’d never taken work home before so I was a little skeptical.
I looked over the work and gave him a testing pass with the conditions that he had to score above 95% or he’d be required to finish those last two pages and all pages of all concepts from that point on. He assured me that he knew the material and went down to get the test.
He came upstairs and worked on that test, using the notes that he had taken. When the grading slip came upstairs I braced myself for some frustration and shut down on his part. He looked at the paper and had a look on his face that I couldn’t really read but I was ready for anything. Anything except the 97% he had achieved!
I couldn’t have been prouder if he had been my own child. He was on cloud nine. I got out the little sticky note with “This is too hard” written on it and we attached that grade slip to the note.
Chase has increased his goal by one concept per week and has met that goal, is taking concepts home each night and on weekends and is working more and more independently on school nights. A little practice, some positive reinforcement and a belief in himself and his abilities have made a huge difference.
I hope that as Chase leaves here he feels confident and secure in his abilities and will apply what he’s learned as he works toward a high school diploma. - Cindy Johansen, Teacher, Oxbow Academy
Tags: ADHD, family counseling, family therapy, learning, learning disability, oxbow academy, residential treatment center, school, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, struggling teen, substance abuse, teacher, therapy, troubled teen, tutor, tutoring
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Monday, March 12th, 2012
As a mother who works full time, I have to leave my own child with someone every day. I always hope and pray that she is in good hands. That she is being protected and taught the correct things while I am away. That someone is loving her almost as much as I do (which I know is a high demand, because my love for her seems to have no bounds). That they are taking the time to play with her and give her the attention that she needs- that she deserves. And the reason I do this is so that I can take a similar role for someone else’s child every day.
Some of the boys that I work with have parents miles and miles away. Some haven’t been home in over a year, because they have been at other programs. The role I play in their lives is a sacred role that I can not lose sight of. I think of the many parents who are miles away from their sons just hoping that whoever is with them is taking care of them, and loving them almost as much as they love them. That someone is teaching them, and helping them to get back on track- since they have wandered so far from the course. I can never replace the role as their parent, nor am I supposed to. But my role is to care about them and help guide them back so they can be reunited with their family- whatever that may look like.
When I look at the picture of my little girl on my desk, I can’t help but be grateful for the amazing trust these parents have put in me with their own sons. And I am honored to be part of their journey to help bring their son’s back home safely. Tiffany Winder, Therapist, Oxbow Academy
Tags: family, family therapy, Mother, oxbow academy, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, therapist, therapy, troubled teen, troubled teens
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Tuesday, February 28th, 2012
As therapists at Oxbow, we are here to help students develop insight into their thought, feeling and behavioral patterns. We love this work and are privileged to work with wonderful students and families. As our students change, their families change. And as the families that we work with change, we are influenced for the better.
There is no set time line for how quickly one gains insight. Insight comes in its own time, dependent upon the individual’s willingness to “go there”. True insight cannot be given away and cannot be forced upon anyone. All that we can do to assist in this process is to encourage the student through interaction and hopefully foster a desire within him. Throughout this often long process, patience is tried and tears are shed. Nights of sleep are lost and stress can frequently seem overwhelming.
One family recently showed great patience with their son’s journey to insight. This family has waited patiently as their son played games that hurt them and avoided his treatment for months. This family waited in their pain and showed their patience with their son by being available for every contact made; whether it be a weekend phone call with little depth of conversation or a family or parent track session where they were asked to gain insight into their family system and how their personal functioning contributed to the family dynamic. This family showed patience with the Oxbow program by following the recommendations given by the Oxbow treatment team, regardless of how difficult these recommendations were. Due to working together as a team, their son is making progress.
I congratulate your son for the efforts that he has invested in his therapeutic work and for the maturity he has chosen to gain and to show. He is beginning to investigate his personal emotional depths. He is, at last, ready to learn from his own experiences.
I congratulate you as parents. I congratulate you for all of the work that you have invested physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I congratulate you for the personal growth you have decided to gain and for your willingness to not only teach, but to learn. For your patience with your son as he struggled to make a decision to move forward in his life, to move beyond fantasy and sit in reality.
This process is painful and continues to be tender for the many involved. Hope is fostered through patience and understanding. Thank you for all of the above. Thank you to the parents and family members of all those who have been willing to look at their pain and to work through it in positive ways. Your sons notice your growth and it encourages them to move toward gaining their own insight, promoting internal changes. Your love and devotion cannot be replaced. Your influence is remarkable, life changing. by Rachelle Gallup, Clinical Social Worker
Tags: ADD, ADHD, family, family therapy, mood disorders, oxbow academy, parenting, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, struggling teen, struggling teens, substance abuse, therapy, troubled teen, troubled teens
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Saturday, January 14th, 2012
A few months ago I was involved in a therapeutic intervention with a 15 yr old young man who was stalled out in his treatment. He had decided to resist all efforts to re-engage the therapeutic process and take personal accountability for the state of his relationship with his parents. It appeared that he was satisfied with the distress he was causing his parents and seemed willing to continue in his present course.
The treatment team discussed his case at length and determined that the battle between this young man and his parents was a very common one with adolescents who are placed in treatment. At the core of this issue is the desire for the young man to keep his relationship with his parents in a holding pattern. H wanted to keep himself and his needs as a priority. He saw his parent’s responsibility as meeting those needs. As long as the parent child relationship continued to support this holding pattern, the young man will reward his parents with a degree of positive behavior. The variable in this toxic relationship, however, is the fact that the young man’s needs seem to be fairly fluid in nature. What satisfies him one day does not the next and he had become very adept at keeping his parents hopping from one unfulfilled need to another by an array of temper tantrum techniques. What we were seeing in treatment was just more of the same.
But something happened that this young man did not calculate. His parents decided that they no longer would support the static relationship they had been in for the last 15 years. The words they spoke to their son were well thought out and did not come packaged in bubble wrap. They went like this, “We are no longer going to support the lack of progress in our relationship. As of today, we are walking away from the table and you have some choices to make. We will support your basic needs but will no longer support your lack of progress with our attention. The only contact we will have with you will be through your therapist. We hope that one day you will choose us and accept your responsibility to an evolving relationship with us”. Then the click of the phone being hung up echoed in the room.
The young man was taken back, but the past years’ had a history of similar events. He had seen this before, so he thought. It was around day 30 where the young man’s countenance changed. He began to ask the question, “Could this be for real? Could my parents really get along without taking care of all my needs? Is it possible that I am not the center of my parents universe?” That was the turning point.
This once very entitled young man began to see how much he needed a relationship with his parents. Not just to take care of the things he lacked the skill, experience, and influence to manage, but emotionally he started to see his relationship with his parents in a new light. It took a while for him to manage the pain and regret that settled in on him. He was now in a very vulnerable position and at this point started to ask the right questions. “What do I need to do to fix my relationship with my parents?” His therapist had to take a moment to compose himself before returning the same question. “What do you think you need to do to fix the relationship with your parents?”
The months that followed were filled with tears, frustration, regret, forgiveness, but above all, honesty. This young man had made some very serious, relationship wrecking, choices that would take time to fix. But he had gained understanding that keeping his relationship with his parents in a holding pattern was no longer acceptable. He knew he was responsible for meeting them where they were and accepting them as his parents, not as his subordinates or even as his equal.
This story has a positive ending. The young man earned access to his parents and did the work necessary to play a participating role in their evolving relationship. Mom and Dad took the role of King and Queen of the family kingdom and Son accepted his role as the Prince with loads of potential. The courage it took for those parents to save their son was amazing but they did it and now their son, who they love beyond measure, has a chance. by Shawn Brooks, Executive Director, Oxbow Academy
Tags: ADHD, fairy tale, family, family therapy, oxbow academy, parenting, parents, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, substance abuse, therapist, troubled teen, troubled teens
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Monday, January 9th, 2012
Confidence n. 1. trust, reliance 2 belief in one’s own abilities 3 an invisible force
I teach art here at Oxbow Academy. My goal is to get our boys to try something new and different. I’m always hearing the same excuse: “I can’t draw!” Well, isn’t that why you take a drawing class? To learn how to draw? I have seen so many amazed faces when students are able to execute their ideas on paper.
Recently one of our grads wrote: “I just want to say Mrs. Erin ever since your art classes I’ve been exploring and doing a lot of freehand stuff. I’m getting pretty good 
lol Thanks for the classes. They sparked an interest for me that i didn’t know I had.”
Maybe it is an interest. Maybe it is confidence. Maybe it’s the “permission” to try something new. Whatever it is, it is powerful beyond words. It is also a beginning. Our students may not realize it at the time but just trying something that they thought they couldn’t do empowers them to do more!
This week I saw a young man make enormous strides therapeutically. This is a young man who has struggled and struggled to keep his head above water. It started with small successes, trying new things. Art was just one of them. During equine therapy this week I watched him take out one of the Arabian horses. Her name is Miss Priss and she is feisty! He wanted to ride her so bad. He wanted her to be “his” horse.
I watched him in the round pen while she bounced and pranced. I watched him calm himself down, breathe. I watched Miss Priss begin to calm as well. For the rest of the session he continued to ride her. Every time she sped up He calmed her down. He stuck with it! He rode her until the end of the evening. When he climbed down from the saddle he was absolutely glowing. His smile stretched from ear to ear and there was no stopping it.
I don’t know if he will love riding horses for the rest of his life. I don’t know if all the kids in my art class will go on to be artists! I do know that when they try and when they feel the confidence that comes from trying and being successful they will go on to do and be whatever they put their heart and mind to being. by Erin Nester, Admissions Coordinator, Art Instructor
Tags: art, art class, artist, confidence, equine therapy, horseback riding, oxbow academy, RedCliff Ascent, residential therapy, riding, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, sexually abused, substance abuse, troubled teen, troubled teens
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Tuesday, November 29th, 2011
The holiday season brings about many struggles for parents of Oxbow students. Reality hits home as some parents realize that their sons are not in the place, therapeutically speaking, that would allow them to go home to be with their families over Christmas.
This has been a struggle for one of the families with whom I work. Several conversations have taken place recently that entailed progress updates as well as estimations on when their son could have his first home pass.
As students progress through the program at Oxbow there is a lot of emotional work required of them prior to their first home pass. This being said, there is no way to discern an exact time in which a student will be emotionally ready for this step forward. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes dealing with the reality of the situation, although that reality may exclude families from being together on some important holidays and in taking part in family traditions. This news comes as hard news to some parents, as well as to their sons.
Some families choose to make new memories with their sons during this time. The family mentioned previously decided that they would come to Utah to be with their son for Thanksgiving. They chose to use this time to build trust with their son, altering their family tradition of togetherness to mean something new and beautiful for their family as they work toward healing damaged relationships.
This year they are thankful for different things than they have been in the past. This family is thankful for the progress that their son is making towards healing damaged relationships, and all that means. They are thankful for the little things, such as their son’s ‘willingness to look them in the eye’ when speaking with them and for the feeling of truthfulness that they get from him. They are thankful for the good experiences that they are able to have with their son, now that he has increased the honesty in his relationships. They are grateful that they are able to see their son ‘grow to become a man’.
As these parents tried to express their thankfulness for this process, they said that no words can truly describe how grateful they are at this time for all that Oxbow offers their family in helping their son make these life changes. Although this Thanksgiving was anything but their tradition, they found themselves thankful. by Rachelle Gallup, CSW
Tags: abuse, ADD, ADHD, adoption, experiential therapy, families, family, family therapy, pornography addiction, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, substance abuse, thanksgiving, troubled teen, www.oxbowacademy.net
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Thursday, November 10th, 2011
This last mid October Saturday, while hauling in the last two loads of hay for the year with five of the Oxbow boys, we stopped in between loads with the boys to grab a doughnut at the local bakery. The boys were so excited to get the doughnuts they had earned.
Two older couples arrived at the doughnut case just before the boys. Without saying a word, I watched as the boys waited with much anticipation while the two older ladies hand-picked two full boxes of doughnuts. This process took approximately 10 minutes, which seemed like a long time – even to me!
The older couples finished selecting their doughnuts and it was now the boys’ turn. The boys eagerly picked their doughnuts and we were off to get some drinks. On the way out of the bakery area I heard the older gentleman address me as the boys stood by Brita and I.
He said, “Sir, I wanted to compliment you on how respectful your sons were while we were picking out our doughnuts.”
I said to the man, “Thank you. They need to be respectful.”
Then the man said, “You can be proud of your sons. There are not many young people that would have had that much patience with older people.”
I told the man thanks for the compliment and that I was proud of “my sons.”
What a great day to hear that compliment about our boys! Thanks to the parents for having the courage to work along side of us at Oxbow with “our sons.” Thanks to all at Oxbow for everything they do to help the boys along their journey. Tony and Brita North, Equine Directors
Tags: abuse, ADD, ADHD, adoption, equine, experiential therapy, families, family therapy, mood disorder, oxbow academy, parents, pornography addiction, RedCliff Ascent, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, therapy, troubled teen, troubled teens
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Wednesday, October 19th, 2011
Oxbow’s Executive Director Shawn Brooks and Clinical Director Todd Spaulding have been invited to present a seminar at the national convention of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP).
The invitation comes on the heels of a presentation called “Boys Will Be Boys?” made at local and regional NATSAP conferences.
In that presentation, Todd and Shawn taught other professionals at troubled teen programs how to identify students that may be struggling with sexual issues. They also explained, using examples from annonymous Oxbow students, how boys are able to get away with inappropriate sexual behaviors while they are in therapeutic programs treating them for other issues.
“Students will try to use humor or thinking errors to justify their behaviors,” explains Todd Spaulding. “Unless therapy professionals know what to look for, this kind of sexual acting out can be minimized or overlooked entirely.”
The national NATSAP conference is scheduled for February, 2012.
Tags: ADD, ADHD, blended families, experiential therapy, family, family therapy, mood disorders, pornography addiction, RedCliff Ascent, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, substance abuse, therapy, troubled teen, troubled teens, www.oxbowacademy.net
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Tuesday, October 4th, 2011
For the past several months Oxbow staff has been working with a young man on completing his full disclosure. He was initially highly resistant to disclose, although had dabbled in it. As the items on his disclosure were altered by the week, it was clear that he was not being fully accountable for his sexual behaviors with those on whom he had perpetrated. He initially tried to convince us that he was ready to take and to pass his polygraph exam. After failing, having used countermeasures, he returned to campus admitting that he had not been honest. Both the Oxbow staff and his parents felt that he must have been holding onto something very important to him- and his parents and I had a good guess as to what that may be.
The next two months were spent processing and adding pressure from his therapist, parents and peers in hopes that he would take full accountability for his sexual behaviors. He literally sat on Structure, putting minimal effort into his therapy for weeks. His peers lost trust in him and they no longer allowed him to speak in group therapy session. His parents made frequent trips to Utah to visit with and encourage him to come clean. We finally severed phone calls with his parents until he agreed to come clean and to pass his polygraph. We went through all of the disclosure prompts and questions again, pushing for additional information, but one area always met with resistance. That is until one day, in an emotional session this teen began to let me in. He shared with me his feelings of being a “monster” when he perpetrates, especially with regards to one of his victims, which was someone he truly cared about. We discussed this “monster” in depth, and later that week he came clean on his second polygraph.
If it had not been for the pressure that was placed on this young man by Oxbow staff and his parents, I believe that he would have continued to hold onto the secrets he held regarding his deviant sexual behaviors. I cannot stress enough how courageous this young man’s parents were for trusting the Oxbow staff in implementing the pressure that was necessary for this young man to come clean. It took time and a considerable amount of pressure to break through this barrier. It is my belief that the trust that these parents displayed during this crucial time is what is often required of the parents involved in the Oxbow Program. These parents are courageous, trusting and willing to implement new parenting strategies in order to help their sons. Parents’ willingness to change and to set and maintain clear boundaries play a very important role in their son’s success, not only while at Oxbow Academy, but for the duration of their lives. - Rachelle Gallup, Therapist
Tags: families, family, family therapy, parenting, parents, residential treatment center, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, sexual trauma, troubled teen
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