Posts Tagged ‘therapy’
Academic Success for Struggling Teens
Friday, January 27th, 2012Parents Dreams for Troubled Teen Become Reality
Monday, January 23rd, 2012On a recent trip to California I was visiting with the family of a recent Oxbow graduate at his home. While we were talking his parents had a meaningful realization. They were talking about how they were so fearful, anxious, angry, and distraught the day that they brought their son to Oxbow. They talked about the devastation that they felt when the sexual issues were discovered and the trauma that they endured before they found the help of Oxbow.
In the next sentence parents reflected how they were in such a different place today. Today there were still challenges but these challenges were “dreadfully normal.” They talked about transporting kids to school, coordinating therapy appointments, helping with homework, their jobs, advocating to help their sons receive the school services they needed, but there was no mention of the pain, guilt, and shame that had plagued the family less than two years ago. Gone was the pain, anger, and shame and what they discovered as they sat in their home was hope that their son can have the future that they as parents dreamed he would have. As we said our goodbyes and gave the family a hug I asked the parents to take care of our son. I seemed to walk a little lighter knowing that we at Oxbow had played a small part in returning this boy to his parents and restoring their hopes and dreams that years before they had felt were lost. by Todd Spaulding, Clinical Director, Oxbow Academy
Troubled Teens “Our Sons”
Thursday, November 10th, 2011This last mid October Saturday, while hauling in the last two loads of hay for the year with five of the Oxbow boys, we stopped in between loads with the boys to grab a doughnut at the local bakery. The boys were so excited to get the doughnuts they had earned.
Two older couples arrived at the doughnut case just before the boys. Without saying a word, I watched as the boys waited with much anticipation while the two older ladies hand-picked two full boxes of doughnuts. This process took approximately 10 minutes, which seemed like a long time – even to me!
The older couples finished selecting their doughnuts and it was now the boys’ turn. The boys eagerly picked their doughnuts and we were off to get some drinks. On the way out of the bakery area I heard the older gentleman address me as the boys stood by Brita and I.
He said, “Sir, I wanted to compliment you on how respectful your sons were while we were picking out our doughnuts.”
I said to the man, “Thank you. They need to be respectful.”
Then the man said, “You can be proud of your sons. There are not many young people that would have had that much patience with older people.”
I told the man thanks for the compliment and that I was proud of “my sons.”
What a great day to hear that compliment about our boys! Thanks to the parents for having the courage to work along side of us at Oxbow with “our sons.” Thanks to all at Oxbow for everything they do to help the boys along their journey. Tony and Brita North, Equine Directors
Oxbow Team to Teach Colleagues in Troubled Teen Care
Wednesday, October 19th, 2011Oxbow’s Executive Director Shawn Brooks and Clinical Director Todd Spaulding have been invited to present a seminar at the national convention of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP).
The invitation comes on the heels of a presentation called “Boys Will Be Boys?” made at local and regional NATSAP conferences.
In that presentation, Todd and Shawn taught other professionals at troubled teen programs how to identify students that may be struggling with sexual issues. They also explained, using examples from annonymous Oxbow students, how boys are able to get away with inappropriate sexual behaviors while they are in therapeutic programs treating them for other issues.
“Students will try to use humor or thinking errors to justify their behaviors,” explains Todd Spaulding. “Unless therapy professionals know what to look for, this kind of sexual acting out can be minimized or overlooked entirely.”
The national NATSAP conference is scheduled for February, 2012.
“A Boy Who Was Broken” – A Family Who is Healed
Friday, September 9th, 2011Shwan Brooks, Oxbow’s Executive Director, received this letter this month from the parent of one of our graduates. We gratefully share it’s contents with our blog readers. To protect this family’s privacy, their names have been ommitted or abbreviated.
Setember 7, 2011
Dear Shawn,
It’s been a month since ** graduation from Oxbow, and I promised I would share some thoughts about his nearly 18-month stay. Rather than look back, I’d like to bring you up to date on the weeks since we saw you.
** is a college reshman, living the life of an 18-year-old we once could only pray he’d become. He has made friends aplenty and gotten off to a good academic start. He says he has never been happier. Time, of course, will determine if everything remains so rosy, but each day that goes well lays a foundation for even better days ahead.
While ** missed out on the life of a “normal” high school student, he seems advanced beyond his college peers in other ways. For instance, he says he finds their fascination with alcohol and sex shallow and of little interest to him. I think the regard he developed at Oxbow for the importance of meaningful relationships is at the core of his reaction. If so, Oxbow helped prepare him for life in ways his classmates now must negotiate.
Additionally, ** seems to have gotten off to a good academic start. ** says he has a new-found interest in learning that we first saw emerge at Oxbow.
** has stayed in touch with Tony and Britta. Their friendship and support helped him through Oxbow and continue to help him now. While two weeks of college life is little more than a start, ** is off to a good start.
It’s a long way from the condition in which ** found himself when reporting to Oxbow. More than 15 months of other therapeutic schools had failed to crack the shell in which ** resided. I credit the Oxbow team, along with ** for his hard work, with the advances that occurred.
Tiffany Winder and Todd Spaulding were firm but loving in the way they performed their therapy. It would have been easy for all of us to quit the relentless grind of weekly family sessions, but Tiffany and Todd maintained a professional manner that never allowed us to lose hope. They guided ** through some of the most-challenging soul-searching any human could face.
Bill Pollack and folks like Amy Brown taught ** the importance of living successfully with others in the residential part of the program. I doubt that ** will ever encounter a college roommate with whom he cannot co-exist, based on his Oxbow experience.
Academically, ** blossomed at Oxbow. Self-learning seemed to be the key, but the staff that Rick Lee guided helped to turn our son into a true student. Given his spotty academic experience in high school, we had low expectations for a college career. Yet, ** scored in the 75th percentile in the SAT exam and was accepted to 11 universities, including the one he now attends.
Perhaps no part of Oxbow affected ** as greatly as the equine program, led by Tony and Britta. ** came to understand that horses make wonderful surrogates for people and that building a relationship with a horse can be even more challenging than connecting with a fellow human. Tony and Britta also showed a special interest in **. They made him feel loved, something he desperately needed, even though he was already loved by so many. Perhaps I will never fully understand the magic of the relationship, but it worked. For that we will be eternally grateful.
While I pray that no young man would ever need Oxbow, itʼs reassuring to know that it exists. Had it not existed, I shudder to think where our son would be today. You took him to places in his heart and soul that he might never have reached. As a result, he came to understand himself and learned to communicate those feelings to others.
We sent you a boy who was broken in spirit and you returned to us a young man who has a very real chance at success. That is all anyone can ever ask.
I hope this is helpful to you. Please feel free to share our story with others. I only ask that you do so anonymously, which I am certain you will.
Best personal regards,
J
Courageous Parents and Troubled Teens
Friday, June 24th, 2011Yesterday on the news there was a story about family vacationing in Southern Utah. They were around a creek that, due to the high run off this year in Utah, was more like a river of fast moving water. The news report showed a water fall about 15 feet high. The water going over the falls was dark due to the runoff.
The story went on to explain that this family had lost sight of their young son. After frantically looking for him, the father jumped into the water below the falls feeling that was where his son was. He found his son and pulled his lifeless body up and on to the bank of the river. When he got his son to the shore he found two individuals, also on vacation, that happened to be experienced rescue workers. They began to apply their training and brought the boy back to life.
As I contemplated the story I was amazed at the courage and faith that young father showed jumping into that muddy water below the falls. He could not see if his son was in that brown churning water but jumped in anyway, risking his own life to do so.
Today I saw the same kind of courage while taking part in a treatment graduation phase review. I looked across the table at two parents who had lost sight of their son and knew their troubled teen was in peril. They were willing to jump in to the muddy, fast moving waters of treatment because, like the young father in Southern Utah, the thought of losing their son was not bearable. I listened as they talked about how difficult it was to leave their son in the hands of strangers. They talked about that as being the worst day of their lives. The fear was almost unbearable, but they did it. They talked about how difficult the treatment process was for them, how many times they felt so discouraged, and hopeless. Then, like that little boy on the bank of a river in Southern Utah, their son took a breath and hope came rushing back. They described watching their son make hard decisions and work through difficult issues and now, at the end of this treatment experience, they are standing with their son knowing he has earned another chance.
I can only imagine what the parents of the little boy in Southern Utah felt when their son took in his first breath and the signs of life began to show themselves. What powerful floods of emotions must have run through them in that moment! I think many of the parents I work with know how it feels to have hope return as their sons begin to battle back from addiction, self doubt, and destructive behaviors that, if left unchecked, would end their lives.
I have been blessed to work with and witness the most courageous parents as they take great risk in an effort to help their sons. To seek out strangers who are skilled and trained in applying treatment and then trust them enough to follow their guidance has been such an example of courage and strength to me. If that father would not have taken action and pulled his son from the muddy, churning water under the falls, his son would have perished there. But, like these wonderful parents I have the pleasure of working with, he took action and saved his son. Shawn Brooks, Executive Director, Oxbow Academy
Troubled Teens Find Academic Success
Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011Sexual Abuse and the Story of DJ
Wednesday, June 15th, 2011When Brita led the horse out of the trailer I was astounded. I had never seen such a weak, mangy looking animal in my life. I couldn’t believe the horse was able to stand on his own. His ribs stuck out and his coat was in patches. There were scars all over his body.
“He actually looks better today,” Brita said. “We’ve spent the weekend giving him hay and grass and his belly’s a little rounder.” I wondered how a horse could possibly look worse.
Brita and Tony North are the equine directors at Oxbow Academy, a residential treatment center for teen boys who struggled with sexual abuse, sexual trauma, or sexual addictions. The Norths answered an ad for a horse that “needed a little work.” What they found was a horse that was practically starving. Born in a freezing Utah December, the horse was orphaned at four months. Since then it had been abused and neglected, pushed away from food and water by the other horses in the herd. Brita worried that if they agreed to take the animal it would die during the three hour drive back to Oxbow. Tony was skeptical the poor horse could be rehabilitated. By the time the three of them arrived back at Oxbow, the Norths had come up with a plan.
In the treatment team meeting Brita told her colleagues about the animal’s history and noted, “He’s got a lot in common with some of our boys. What we if we gave them a chance to help him recover?”
Todd Spaulding and Gregg Lott, Oxbow therapists, were immediately on board. Both had students they felt could benefit from the rehabilitation project.
And so, on a sunny summer morning, the wobbly, weak horse moves slowly toward the Oxbow corral. I am pretty sure the horse will fall over dead on the spot. Brita is slow and gentle. Every move is deliberate because, as she says, “I really don’t know what to expect from him. Everything is new to him.”
In a few minutes Gregg and Todd, along with students David and James, arrive. Todd has explained a little about the horse to the boys on the drive over. I think even they are surprised at how bad the horse looks. They begin very carefully brushing the horse. He’s never seen or felt a brush. His hide is raw in some places, scarred in others, and somewhat normal looking in still others. There are some spots he simply will not allow anyone to touch.
Brtia tries to coax him to take a few bites from a bucket filled with a special mix of vitamin enriched grain. He needs the extra nutrition to begin to heal. But the grain holds no appeal for him. He doesn’t know what it is. Instead, he’s eyeing the weeds that ring the round corral. It’s all he’s ever known.
David and James, both adopted, have decided the horse needs a name. What was his old name? It doesn’t matter, they decide. His new name will be “DJ,” in honor of both of them. He looks pretty bad, Todd notes. That doesn’t matter either, they say. He’s their horse now. They love him. Todd and Gregg begin turning the conversation to talk of the boys’ own abuse. They talk about their adoptions and how much their adoptive mothers love them. They talk about scars and healing. They talk about reaching out and taking the help that’s being offered to them – the bucket of grain in their own lives.
More than an hour later the boys are headed back to the dorms with plans of what they’ll need to do next to help DJ gain strength. I am headed to the car wondering how a beat up paint horse could have that much effect on two teenaged boys. There are no guarantees any of them will be able to overcome their pasts. But all of them are worth the try.
“We Want Hope for Our Son”
Tuesday, March 1st, 2011You could hear the anguish in her voice. “We want hope for our son,” the woman said. “We just feel so frustrated with everything we have tried before.” Her son is acting out sexually in a way that has ostracized him from his community and made his parents his jailers. Other programs, ones that promised they could address his issues, have not been successful.
On this day she is part of a conference call between an educational consultant and Clinical Director Todd Spaulding. Despair fills her voice and the room. “This is not our first time or our second time or even our sixth time talking to someone who says they can help,” she says. She continues, “I’m coming from a place where I don’t understand.” Her voice rises and catches, “What have I done? How did I mess this up?”
The consultant assures her it is not a matter of “messing up.” He adds, “Oxbow is the best opportunity your boy has ever had in his life to talk without shame and guilt.”
Todd asks for more information about her boy – his age, specific sexual activities he is engaging in, other, seemingly unrelated behaviors. He explains Oxbow’s 90-day evaluation process. He talks about the school’s sex-specific culture. All Oxbow students have one thing in common, he says: sexual trauma, sexual abuse, or sexual addiction.
She is skeptical and worried. What if being with “those kind” of boys makes her son act out more?
“Come and meet them,” Todd invites. He says, simply, “They’re great boys.” She is silent for awhile, perhaps thinking about her own son. She will come and see for herself.
Not Your Father’s ‘Playboy’
Monday, December 20th, 2010The Good Men Project, an on-line magazine, recently published a powerful article entitled “Boys and Porn: It Ain’t Your Father’s ‘Playboy’”. Author Marnia Robinson discusses today’s “super porn” and explains how viewing it may cause erectile dysfunction, social anxiety and a host of other problems for boys.
Students at Oxbow Academy can vouch for many of Robinson’s findings. We invite you to read the article and discuss its implications for your family.
http://goodmenproject.com/2010/12/03/boys-and-porn-it-aint-your-fathers-play
